I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
