My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
as a side note pls kill me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
