i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
