she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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