How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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