had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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