I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
