OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
