I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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