woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
