Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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