census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
