My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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