he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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