bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
