yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
