I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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