is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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