Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
