Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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