It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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