Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
