So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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