If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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