I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
