Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
