I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
