he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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