i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
