...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
