I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize