After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
