the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
