and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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