Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
