best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
