Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
