i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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