You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
