I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
