nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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