I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
