the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it because I queefed?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
