I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize