do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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