I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
