So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
