I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
