he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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