my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
