you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
