Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize