I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Randomize
