please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize