I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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