...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You pole danced in your parka.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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