I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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