I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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