69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry about my life...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
