It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
