I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
