I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
