do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were trust falling into bushes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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