I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
