Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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