God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
