where am i from again
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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