you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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