it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
