I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
