so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
