I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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