What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
