____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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