I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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