this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
