i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
