thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
