I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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