Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
