i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
