no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
