Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He shit in the fireplace
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