My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
