8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
