you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
