EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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