I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
wanna go halves on a baby?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
