Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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