Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
