Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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