well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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