Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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