he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the condom got lost in my hair
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
