My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize