I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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