Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
