So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
