I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
