Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
