If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
