I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
