i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
