someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
