Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
