Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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