I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
